So much so that….

It seemed simple when I wanted to make this post after a few weeks since I last updated my blog. I rarely put in personal stuff, day to day rants, my experiences, about the people around me etc in my blog because I presumed it to be a platform to share my works and only that. So much is going on in our daily lives that could hardly be put into a confined circle. Sometimes the overwhelming joy, the unbearable pain, the hatred/fervor over stupid people makes us less patient. They urge us to share our emotions with someone out there who may be willing to listen or confide with our thoughts.

Dreams are one thing that keeps us move forward. That which pushes us to take one more leap, encourages us to take up one more fight, to give one more hit, one more heads up, a last try etc. The same dreams of a person provide the lessons one ought to learn in his/her life time. Some dreams are easier to explain, but hard to achieve. Some are intentionally complicated but turns out to be a piece of cake.

The struggle begins the moment we tend to make understand people what we want to achieve, what our dreams are. I’m struggling a lot to make myself understand what I want to achieve which I know is not so much wiser.

Another obvious thing that had been pondered over and over is that, people tend to draw a straight line and lead an ordinary life but still think of themselves as high creatures of the species and preaches others to follow them right. The problem with these people are not only that they think those who follow their path will become successful, but also that those who refuses to do so may go to ashes or become inferior kind to their eyes. They don’t give a shit about your priorities or circumstances, for their unsolicited views over life seem more valuable to them than our own issues. The counter effect triples up when this shitty attitude comes from our close ones. Let me make a blunt statement here. ‘People are so less selfless these days’. So much had been ranted about the people. The only way to keep ourselves moving is to avoid them utterly from the core of our hearts and show them the middle finger if they ever try to drill into our desires.

I also have to mention something contradictory to the above gobbles. There are certain people whom I wish could be by my side and pat me over the head when I’m playing the wrong move. Be it supporting my passion, being alongside, helping me forget the noise of the outside world. But then again, expectations brings misery especially when two souls are different.

One more thing I wanted to rant about is being complex to the people around. I solemnly believed my complexity brings defense. That it will protect me from making acquaintances with unfavorable ones. I still hope so, but the reality plays otherwise. My own complexity turned out to be a stumbling block for me to grow and find my own path. The way I wore my complexity once seems like a stupidity now. It was the excuse I gave myself for being less affirmative. But then realizations maketh the best of a human right?

…(and it goes on)

-Maha

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Falling…

She is nowhere to be found.

She is offshore when her heart started falling for him.

Once an indigenous girl she then became a far placed, deeply buried treasure.

One day she peeped over to look if he has turned away.

He stood there, still searching.

She slid behind, sat curled up burying her face into the knees trying to fight over her fear of falling again.

நான் யார் இல்லை?

பணம், பொருளால் சக மனிதனோடு

ஐயம் கொண்டு பழகும்

அறியாமை மனிதம் நானில்லை

 

சமூக சொல்லாடல்களை

சாட்டையடி என எண்ணி

ஒதுங்கும்

மனித பயம் நானில்லை

 

பிறர் உடன்படும் ஒன்றிற்கு

பகுத்தறியாமல் தலையாட்டும்

அற்ப பொம்மை நானில்லை

 

வீழ்ந்துள்ள மனித உடலேறி

கொத்தித் திங்கும்

பருந்துக் கூட்டமதில் நானில்லை

 

விக்கி நின்றும்

சாதி மதம் துறக்க மறுக்கும்

மனித புற்றுக்கு நான் ஆளில்லை

 

அன்பெனும் அக மொழியில்

ஆயிரம் பிழை சுட்டும்

அநேக ஆசான் நானில்லை

 

மழையில் நடை பழகி

வெயிலை வீடழைத்து

வானின் நிறமெல்லாம்

நான் வரைந்த வண்ணமென மகிழ்ந்து,

இப்படி இயற்கையோடு உறவாடும்

மனிதர்களின் இயல்பை

குழந்தைத்தனம் என்றழைக்கும்

பெரியவர்களுள் ஒருவன் நானில்லை

-மகா

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe

Maybe you’re wrong.

May be you’re wrong when you think you understand me.

Maybe you’re wrong about the romance filled canopy of your dreams,

stardust metaphor for me,

gut-wrenching solitude of our separation.

Maybe you’re not sure if you can love me forever.

Maybe, just maybe, you’re not actually in love with me

but just with the idea of being so.

Maybe you’re wrong about lot many things,

including human love.

But who cares?

I’m still here

with all loving, all caring heart that started beating for you long ago.

-Maha

Round O’ Clock

pexels-photo-58572

You’re the embrace

Of the early morning breeze

That I wake up to, every day

 

You’re the aroma,

I sniff around

from my coffee cup

before the first sip

 

You’re the after shower fragrance

that makes me want to bathe again

 

You’re that peacefulness

I get from my playlist

when the world around

seems too much noisy

 

You’re the tenderness

I feel

from the kind people I meet

 

You’re the lingering smiles

in my evening parties

and the spotlight

for my sweet nothings

 

You’re the star shine in my eyes

as I look up

when the darkness surround

 

You’re the warmth

inside my bed sheet curls

that urges me to wrap around

and the soothe of my pillow cot

that makes my head more cozy.

 

You’re the lucid dream

in my sleep

that I want to go back to

 

You’re the drug

that beats me to sleep

from which I never want to wake up

-Maha

Letter from my future self

2_men_talking_silouette

Dear past,

I don’t know how creepy you feel when you realize that you’re reading a letter from a stranger who knows every ounce of your existence. I felt like conveying certain things to you at this phase of your life. First of all, thank you for garnering yourself with a whole lot of hope towards your future self. You’re the reason I’m still holding on. And I’m grateful for how you manage to move forward each and every day in order to see me the way you wish.  You might have made numerous traces of me inside your head. Currently I’m not intended to reveal who I’m for two reasons. One, knowing me wouldn’t help you fight the way you’re going to do. Another reason is that I know it’s not how you want to play the game. But trust me, I’m nothing like what you think I’m going to be and I’m everything that you desire. Yes you heard me right. Your desires, that’s what you’re going to become. My appearance may seem cozy, unclear to picture. But I’m the same person as you’re, by heart, only with added profoundness, the kind that let me able to communicate with my past self.

The thing is we people think too much about our future selves and ponder a great deal of fear inside us instead of living the present day to the fullest. It’s time you need to understand that the collection of your past decides your present being. But your present can never decide your future being. For future is an unreliable entity. I’m only an illusion for you, a false hood you happen to develop in your mind with the available consciousness around you. You can think of me as an eternal voice, a non-skeptical being with a huge knowledge about life, your life at least.

I also have to mention that I’m sorry for the things you’re about to come across. There are going to be moments when you tend to totally forget me and want to kill your dreams of becoming me. You’re going to meet people who will try to manipulate your belief on me in all the intellectual ways possible. At those moments remember my words. It’s a fallacy to think that a person is supposed to travel a road that bore fewer failures. For you’re going to have a hand full of it and still grow stronger than ever.

Life is a process isn’t it? You got to learn and unlearn stuff. You will have to fall and rise, not once but until you manages to stand firm.

Be what you’re, do what you do. Keep up the good work. I just wanted to let you know that you’re doing alright.

-Maha

 

Dreams…

Unnoticed

Media screamed,

‘What do you want to become?’

‘What are your dreams?’

‘How did you achieve it?’

‘Who would you like to thank?’

People swayed around

the students with high marks,

like a shackled ant farm.

 

 

‘I too have dreams’

mumbled a voice in an empty room.

‘I want to change the world that thinks

some dreams are bigger than the other’

it declared

with low mark statement in hand.

-Maha

To me

She is the rainfall

in a midsummer evening

purging all over me

when I needed it most.

 

She is the wallflower

in a bequeathed palace

grabbing my attention

among the wreckage around.

 

She is the chirping of birds

I hear in the wild

reminding me of my senses

whenever I’m lost.

 

She is my reflections in water stream

found at the desert.

I either have to live drinking it

or die loving it.

-Maha

 

Inner struggle

brain-heart-struggle-man

Wherever I turn,

I hear a sudden ‘thud’,

clashing my head,

with the ends that are dead.

 

Whenever I try

to find the truth of my life,

I end up

looking into a landscape of infinity

that unfolds again and again.

 

However strong I am

in standing up

to witness the wisdom

of human heart,

I am being pushed

hard enough to crack

the insides of my skull.

 

Whatever struggles be there

waiting to crawl over me

and whack my head for punity,

the biggest one I’ll ever face

is my inner struggle.

-Maha

 

Our ownselves

12087829163_8ef326aca0_o_d.jpg

I think, as we grow up, we have to spend at least a small amount of time in our lives, now and then, to live for ourselves.  I believe that expressing our feelings and emotions to ourselves is as much significant and important as expressing to others around us. To love ourselves marks the first step to love other humans. The very moment we depart ourselves from the chaos outside, we will start brushing our memories inside. The memories that are long buried with an intention not to look back, the ones we unfortunately forgot, the ones that may answer our incomprehensible questions, etc. A human mind is a reverential hub of memory fragments. We are all being driven by the desire to make memories within our existence in this world. It is then necessary for us to take time once in a while to rub the dust off and rearrange the thoughts in an orderly fashion.

The quest to understand the human lives had started since the evolution of our species. Meditation and such things are all direct trump cards to enlighten ourselves with the understanding of human minds and hearts. The more we unravel ourselves, the less we become.    

To make a day to the fullest, to travel a 100 KM or so to accomplish a fancy desire, to go watch a movie on our own, to sit on the shore for a soulful conversation with the nature, to take an early morning walk to witness the world around unfold, to read a book in a secluded corner, to look at the mirror and smile vivaciously, to keep a journal in hand wherever we go, to mingle and get along with a crowd of total strangers, these are all the best way to know ourselves in an innate way possible. It doesn’t make us a lonely being or introvert kind. It probably will lend us lots of insights about our characters, our mind, our soul. It will help love ourselves more than anyone can ever do.  So let’s go live for our own muses once in a day.

-Maha